Monday, July 19, 2004

Random Musings #1

My first attempt at writing anything of semblance to a diary. Never ever kept one, never thought I would keep one. I guess it's the propensity to commit verbal diarrhoea that stopped me from keeping a journal. It was sheer boredom and not knowing what to do with myself that spurred me onto writing. I mean, look, I wouldn't have anything witty to say or anything interesting to further the art of diary-keeping. Me, I've always been a pent-up individual that prefers keeping his thoughts to himself, afterall, no use sharing it with the world when you can half-expect them not to get what you're saying.
Was going through some e-journals written by my friends earlier, and their musings about life, just seem so negatively poignant. Got me thinking about my life. What have I done? What am I doing? What will I do? Given the open-ended questions, someone more positive would probably have wild and great ambitions. For me, a realist but NOT a pessimist, these questions just reveals the inane state of ennui that I'm in. How am I to proceed on, whether to break the shackles of familiarity and plunge into the unknown, or to simply drift along?
This lack of direction and focus is not made any better when I learned yesterday that my plans to travel to Melbourne would be cancelled. 2 of my friends backed out and the only thing I've been looking forward to this semester break was dashed. No holiday plans, no exciting activities lined up, just days of sleeping at 4 in the morning and getting up at 3 in the afternoon.
Perhaps this time of quiet and passivity would be a good chance for me to reflect, note that I use the term 'reflect' loosely seeing I've got the attention span of a 3 yr old. But yes, I think I do need some time to work things out internally and figure out what I want and what I need.


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